Jokes

Jokes

Jokes archive3

A pathan want 2 commit suicide, When asked : Pathan said,my wife ran wid my Best Friend & i can't live widout my friend
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Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon? Pupil: Moon... Teacher : Why? Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it.
3

After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
4

One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
5

Q: Why do brides wear white? A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen.
6

There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married - now he is going through Hell!!!
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A little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" "No idea," replied the Father, "I'm still paying for it..."
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The definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the husband with the dishes..
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Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence? Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole
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Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers? A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time!
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Raj: Meet my wife Divya. Ajay: Oh, I know her... Raj: How? Ajay: We had been sleeping together. Raj: What the Hell? Ajay: 10 years ago, in our History classes..
12

Boss: Drive slow. Driver: But sir, u said you want to reach the hospital fast. Boss: Yes, but not as a patient..
13

A BusinessMan ExpLaining The Reason For Having Two Wives....!@!--!@! MonoPoLy... Is ALways Damaging... & Competition... ImProves Service...
14

WIFE: What Should I Get FOR U FROM London? HUS: A BRITISH Girl! She Left Quietly. On Her Return. HUS: My Gift? WIFE: Honey,Wait For 9Month.
15

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.

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Jokes

Jokes archive2

Son asks father diff.btw Confidence and Confidential? Dad says- u are my son, i am confident, ur friend is also my son that's Confidential

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance in court,” said the desk sergeant. “No, no, no!”, said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”

judge-what you do? prisnor-This & that judge-where you live? prisnor-here&there judge(to policeman)-Arrest him. prisnor-when i will come out judge-sooner&later

What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey? A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear and a monkey is U dear.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I asked her, "Where's the car?" She replied,. In the lake."

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

*A young accountant stayed late at the office day after day. Finally, the boss called him in and asked for an explanation. "Well, you see sir," he stammered, "my wife works, too-- and if I get home before she does, I have to cook the dinner."

Two friends, who hadn't seen each other in several years, met on the street. "Who are you working for now?" asked the first. "Same people," answered the other. "My wife and four children."

Author: "I'm convinced that the publishers have a conspiracy against me." Friend: "What makes you think so?" Author: "Ten of them have refused the same story."

What did one magnet say to the other? I find you very attractive.

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa, a Man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Son: Dad, what is an idiot? Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me? Son: No.

young girl praying:pls God marry me with intelligent man god replied: thats impossible, because intelligent men don't get married

Teacher:"Now,children,if I saw a man beating a donkey n stopped him,wht virtue wuld I be showing?" Student:"Brotherly love

Tcher: 3 grls are walking in da road. Turn the sentence in to exclamitory. studnt: WOW!

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Jokes

Jokes

 

Jokes archive1
1

Giddyup, Id wish you a happy day, but I

m just a little hoarse - hee haw.
2

I went to see the doctor who said, just be a little patient.

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School girl : I dont want to take SEX EDUCATION class Teacher : Why not? School girl : Someone told me FINAL EXAM would be oral!
4

A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would u do if u had to arrest ur own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."
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Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u and ur parents.
6

History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ? Student: Sir, I am not sure but I think from page 15 to 26.
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Devdas’s matrimonial ad- Wanted wife. Age no bar! Height No bar! Luks no bar! Caste No Bar! But gal’s father shoul have his own Bar.
8

DAD TO SON: When i beat u how do u controll ur anger. son: I START CLEANING TOILET DAD: how does that satisfies u? SON:i clean with ur tooth brush
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A boy goes to see a cabare dance. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?Boy: Yes, I saw dad.
10

What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant
11

He said... Do u love me just coz my father left me a fortune? She said... No stupid, I'd love u no matter who left you the money!
12

Husband 1: Why do u take your wife only to night clubs? Husband 2: Buddy by the time she gets ready no other place is open!
13

Boss: Drive slow. Driver: But sir, u said you want to reach the hospital fast. Boss: Yes, but not as a patient..
14

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
15

A pregnant lady goes to one swamiji.The swami says when the baby get's delivered the baby's father will die!The lady says "oh thank god, my husband is safe..

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Funny Sms

Funny Sms

 

1

Have a horrible day without water in ur bathroom,while soap in ur eyes.Oh!sorry, dis msg is not 4 u.Its only 4 those who take bath everyday…
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When words fails, Eyes works. When eyes fails, heart works. When heart fails... To kya? Samajh le Tapak gaya!

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Hai tu agar mera dilbar, Hai tu agar mera dilbar, To aaj ke lunch ka bill tu bhar
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Dil ka dard dil torrne waley kiya jaaney, Pyar ke rivajon ko zamana kiya jaaney, Hoti hai kitni takleef larrki ko pataney main, Ye ghar pe baitha larrki ka baap kiya jaaney
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Some One Is Loving you; Caring for you; Watching over you; Protecting you Guess Who? Neighbour's Dog
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A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.
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It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women..and then he turns them into Wives
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To live a life one needs brain, reflex, perception, luck, IQ, knowledge, way of expression & many more mental qualities. Hats off to you boss you are doing without it!!!!
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Door rehkar bhi dil ke paas lagte ho, nazron se door rehkar khaas lagte ho, har baar doosron ka bheja SMS bhejkar khud ko smart samajhte ho!!!
10

Old people used to annoy me at weddings, pinching my cheeks saying you are next. They stopped that when I started doing the same to them at Funerals!!!
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The day you were born, God created BPL Believe in the Best, and the day I was born, God created Sansui Better than the Beat.
12

Shhhh. Dont go outside. Even dont talk loudly for the next one hour, please I am again warning you please and dont be so loud .. The dog catching van is on duty!!!
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If ever in your life, youre very sad & lonely& feel that you have lost everything. Ill come, hold your hand, take you for a walk on a bridge .. & show you where to jump!!!
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If ur world is spinning round & round... ur heart is beating fast....... Do u think its LOVE ? na munna ,its called...........?? high B.P........!!!!
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I have started luving 'U'... I know it sounds rediculous but I can't control my feelings 4 'U'. Some time later I'll start luving more ALPHABETS...!

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Funny Sms

Funny sms3

 1

Upcoming Horror Movies, Produced by NSE & BSE_ BAZAAR BANA SHAITAN... TADAPTI SECURITIES... KHUNI BROKING HOUSE... INVESTOR KI MAUT
2

A BusinessMan ExpLaining The Reason For Having Two Wives....!@!--!@! MonoPoLy... Is ALways Damaging... & Competition... ImProves Service...
3

Next generation Child will sing in school: Twinkle twinkle little star, I just went to royal bar, Whisky rates are up so high, So drink beer with chicken fry.
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Be careful when a gal tells u that she loves u from the bottom of her heart. For this may mean that there is still enough space for another boy on top!
5

Speaking Italian is hard, but I eat and 

drink it without difficulties!
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I am a killer, I kill people for money. But because you are my friend, I'll kill you for nothing
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Reality is an illusion that is born out of shortage of alcohol.
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Stress is when you wake up and realises that you haven't slept yet.
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I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which anser the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
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Its RAININ these days & m sure u must b vry happy. U mst b feelin lik go out, drench urself,sing songs, splash watr & hav fun. Rite? EvRy Frog feels d same!!
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Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS; 1,Too Many Questions. 2,Difficult to Understand. 3,More Explanation is Needed. 4,Result is always FAIL!….
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In the morning I do not eat because I think of you, at noon I do not eat because I think of you, in the evening I do not eat because I think of you, at night I do not sleep because I am hungry.
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so sweet is ur SMILE..... so sweet is ur STYLE..... so sweet is ur VOICE..... so sweet is ur EYE....... see how sweetly I LIE!!

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Funny Sms

Funny Sms

Funny Sms 2

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Despite the Old saying “Don’t Take Your Troubless & Worries To Bed” Most of the People still sleep with their wives!!! WHAT A CRAZY WORLD, Good Night.
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wen i go wrong , need ur hand 2 correct, wen emotions bust out, need ur hand 2 catch, wen i win, need ur hand 2 pat. in short “YA HATH MUJHE DE DE THAKUR
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when u feel lonely and alone and could not see any one around you………..; The word seems to be fading away.. ……come along with me..i will take u to an eye Specialist
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Q: What kind of food does a race horse eat? A: Fast food
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Definition of a Nurse A young and beautiful woman who fingers u in all places n holds ur hand and then expects ur pulse to be normal
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Gud Morning… Kindly observe SILENCE for two minutes in the memory of those poor mosquitoes who died last night after sucking ur blood. Thanks
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We cannot grant you a life insurance policy because you are already 102 years old. “I do not understand. It is proven statistically that at that age only few people die.”
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so Sweet is ur SMILE???so Sweet is ur STYLE???so Sweet is ur VOICE???so Sweet is ur EYE?????see…how Sweetly I LIE
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The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter speed it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut!
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Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is liver & wife kidney. If liver fails, kidney fails. If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.
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Chinto aur Banto Zidd kar rahe the k Mokeyi dekhna hai, Mai ne Tumhare Ghar ka address bata dia hai Wo agar aayein to 2,3 JUMP maar dena Bache hain Khush ho jainge.
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Have a horrible day without water in ur bathroom,while soap in ur eyes.Oh!sorry, dis msg is not 4 u.Its only 4 those who take bath everyday…
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Never think of the past It brings tears... If you think of the future It brings fears... So, live life in the present And drink chilled beers!
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A Fantastic ad in the paper "Come Via_Agra"... and see man's greatest erection for a woman.... . . "The Taj Mahal"...!
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Hum honge fully pass hum honge fully pass Hum honge fully PASS EK DIN Ho....Ho Likhte hai BAKWAS per university pe hai VISHAWAS Vo karenge hum ko PASS ek din.

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FUNNY SMS COLLECTION

FUNNY SMS COLLECTION

Funny sms1

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kya aap ko pata hai ki es duniya me ek dil sirf aapike liya dhadakta hai aur o dil kiska hai? aapika aur kiska.
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Medical shayri: When you breathe,you respire Wah wah! When you breathe, you respire; Wah wah,kya baat hai When you don't breathe,you Expire... 

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Emotional Comedy:Dil ko pata tha wo jarur ayegi,dil ko pata tha wo jarur ayegi..par kabi socha na tha k surprise me wo apna Husband 7 layegi
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Think why u r so sweet,why u r so intelligent,why u r so lucky,why u r so blessed,why u r so beautiful..simple muzse fship ki hai to thoda faida to hoga hi. 

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How did an intelligent boy propose to girl ,he took the girl along wid him on a boat and at the middle of river said "Marry me or leave the boat"
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If paper is vry tuf in an xam, just close ur eyes 4 a moment,take a deep breath n say "Dis is very intresting subject, I want 2 study once more"
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Wats d diff btwn egyptian mummies & Indian mummies? A: Children r afraid of egyptian mummies & Fathers r afraid of Indian mummies.
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Prayer of an ideal son: Dear God, thx 4 all d blesings u hv bestowed upon me. I wont ask anythin 4 myslf, plz jst giv my parents a really hot daughter-in-law
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Question-What is the difference between vaade and yaadein? Answer- Vaade- "Hum todte hai." Yaadein- "Hamein todti 

hai."
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U r d 1 whos so smart,U r d 1 whos so charming, U r the one whose so caring,U r the one whose so good looking. And, I'm the one who is spreading these rumors.
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SITUATIONAL MESSAGE- ''Everyone wants to go to Heaven but no one wants to die..." "Boley to....... Sab ko top karna hai par padhna koi nahi chahta".
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t is beating fast ,do u think its LOVE? na Munna na its called high B/P…
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Husband sitting near to his wife n she was driving,Husband:please slow down the speed of car.Wife:No ;please. No; please NopleaseNopls..Husband:the Newspaper ill publish ur correct Age 55 in case of axident; Ohh KHkhkhkhkhkh…

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